Marriage?

It's 1 am and i am fully awake listening to Rose Liu's I don't wanna talk about it.. 
Fell in love with this song ever since she sang it live at a singing competition.. 
Maybe its the lyrics I fell in love with or the melody.. 

Been watching an ongoing tvb drama which tells the story of a few ladies who used to know each other since high school.. how they live their life and the different dreams each have.. and broken marriage and the loneliness one has to face thereafter.. 

Have to concede I have attained the age whereby people around me started to talk about marriage or at least planning to have one in the near future.. me .. yeah.. did think about this before.. the one in the life time opportunity to wear a wedding dress..  for ladies who are hoping to get the one in the life time opportunity.. i will like to ask what comes after marriage? happily ever after or it will be the beginning of a time bomb countdown? 

maybe what comes after doesnt matter at all. because its just the phase of life one has to go through in the process of aging.. asked my cousin sister whether her sister (aka my older cousin sister) had ever regretted marrying this man who indirectly caused her so much financial stress and etc which contributed in her cancer illness.. and the respond was no she did not regret. I guess it will really take up a lot of courage for me to say "yes, I do". But when I said so I guess I am ready for my next phase of life.

Did not have the courage to visit you. in my memory you have always looked so healthy and pretty :) still remember how I used to crash at your place and played with your younger sister. We weren't really close coz you are basically in the same generation as my sister. you two grew up together.. heard from my mum that you are good in your studies, good looking, very nice personality and my late uncle loved you so much.. lol.. my mum used to say my sister is nothing when compared to you.. you even married a man you loved despite all the objections from your family.. on the other hand, my sister faced so many hardships all alone.. back then I always thought you are like what we call a princess in a fairy tale .. things changed drastically over the past 10 years.. sorry I didn't even know you were diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago.. I didn't know your family became a burden.. I didn't know the happily ever after picture I have in my mind turns out to be a total nightmare now.. 

heard you are in a critical stage now.. just counting days.. I don't know how my sister is taking it but at least for me.. I am trying to sweep it under the carpet. this goes back to my usual theory.. life is short.. so live your day like there is no tomorrow. 

I have a friend who is eagerly waiting for a marriage proposal now.. I hope that he will propose to you by the end of this month. :) unlike me or some of my friends.. you know what you want and you know its him .. 

Maybe when I commence work next month, I will be able to leave some of my nonsensical thoughts behind and move on with my life. 
Not that I don't know what I want in life.. sometimes I am just afraid of making the wrong choices.. or making the right choices for the wrong reasons.. 

This reminds me of what Tiong Tiong told aunty siaw chin during the penang trip in the car 
: "It's so wrong that it feels so righttttt~ "
That's when Tiong Tiong almost got thrown out of the car =.=''

Wish we are still in penang now.. that few days were great.. really happy from the bottom of my heart.. Fiona's question which she claimed has bothered her for 4 years .. thats the most epic question i have ever heard in my life ... "how do you use water to wash after pee and/or poo without getting ur clothes and/or leg wet?!" In order to answer her question in the hotel room, I performed what I called a live "wash backside with water without getting wet " on a hotel chair (pretend its the toiletbowl). It was really funny and at the same time so awkward.. felt like my privacy had totally been invaded by her hahahaha.. 

and how we argued about Tiong Tiong just trying to wake you up by "tiong-ing" you in the face and not like what you claimed "pok mong". Chin and I still cant agree to your idea of marrying the bridegroom via ipad. =.= it would be hilarious for you to be wearing a wedding dress and holding an ipad (this is Fiona's brilliant idea of having a wedding ceremony and at the same time saving time and cost since her bf is living in south korea). 

Look forward to visit you in Hong Kong soon.. :) I miss you.

Lastly, to my current stalker.. dont make me worry about you. Be happy and do what you wish to. Your health, your time management, your messed up thoughts, your think too much paranoid attitude... your everything... I know, I understand and I hate some of them. but I accept every part of you. just like you did the same for me.