2013

The last time I blogged was 4 months ago..
Have to concede time flies..
I have finally left my employment with Messrs Lee Hishammuddin..
Could still remember how eager and happy I was when I managed to secure a chambering position with Lee H..
Could still remember how I used to enjoy going in on weekends and worked with a smile..
Then it became.. tears in the eyes every now and then..
Work then became nothing more than merely a daily routine which I have lost interest and passion..
Coz of all the stupid unnecessary things and people in life..
Took me a lot of courage to tender.. to give up something I wanted..
People kept asking the real reasons for leaving.. especially when there is a pay increment.. leaving means I wouldnt be entitled to pay increment..

Boss.. I know you would have probably thought I left coz the night before you screwed me for making dinner plan at 10pm when the 3rd day of trial is just 4 days away..
The answer is no. This is not the reason. It merely works as a trigger point..
Don't know whether you have started realizing... I became more and more unhappy as time goes by..
So reluctant to spend long hours in office...

These are the reasons... What goes around comes around.. this quote applies to a lot of things in life.. including bitching.. I am sorry I couldnt work or impress your favourite associate in the team...
I shed tears when Christine left.. Coz I really do like her a lot from the bottom of my heart..
I shed tears coz I also know my path in the team is gona get difficult too...
Everything she complained about me... to others.. Do you know they would come knocking on my door and tell me everything? I once told myself.. ignore what the queen says and just do my work.. But I cant when people actually come to my room and tell me about it. Can I then pretend deaf? Yes maybe on some occasions when I do think you have a point..No one is perfect including me..

Work is stressful enough... I don't need a queen in my life... You made my life in the team so much difficult.. Every step I took.. I would have to consider whether it would give you an opportunity to bitch about me.. I still remember when I lost my locus after my chambering.. I was pretty much like a beggar.. need to beg people from other teams to attend court matters for my file because my own team's associate is someone who pretty much hate attending court matters. Everytime when boss made it compulsory for you to go... you would ask me why and gave me the black face... (Maybe you didnt realize it) I only smiled and said thank you everytime.. because its my file...

A team full of girls... of coz full of politics and bitching... I think I am more like a guy than a girl... Hence I chose to leave.. I stayed on initially for three reasons.. To stay close to my loved ones.. For Px to finish her chambering and also couldnt let go of Lee H. In the end all these reasons were no longer important.. Boss do you remember you once stared at me while giving a lecture to me and Cindy about how we should help out on teammates' files.. Back then I didnt understand why you kept staring at me.. Being the stupid and slow me..

Cindy then told me.. its coz she heard someone bitched to you that I wasnt helpful on her files..
Hahaha so this is how the team works? Boss..... you told me she would brief me... but she never did... at the end of the day all the blame was on me... I then took initative and told her to brief me so that she doesnt have to come in during her holiday... she told me her files are complicated so its fine...
At that point in time... I only told myself... Fcuk it.. I dono what else to do anymore...  

I started off my chambering with a lot of respect for you. I called you master even though most of my peers laughed at me.. I did not do it to seek attention.. You know I am the anti social ones.. that have no interest in doing things like this at all.. I called you master.. because I know in my whole life I will only have one master.. and during the 9 months of chambering.. would be the only time I could call myself a pupil... I think its a respect... I know you started believing what she has to say about me.. your treatment changes... Myself to be blamed as well... for not working hard enough to meet your expectation... you always nag me for the phone calls in my room... til one point of time I actually told them don't call me. My phone still rang as much as before.. coz your own new associate kept asking me questions.. I tried to help and answer as much as I could.

But nevertheless... thanks for all the guidance you gave me.. Thanks for retaining me.. Thanks for giving me an early confirmation.. You have taught me things which I think I won't ever forget.. :) Good luck with your team boss. Remember... people don't just stay for money.. employees will stay and work their arse off when they feel that what they do are appreciated.. You do know you have a temper right? Lol... Goodbye Master.


Off to a new start... I turned down the offer from Khaw & Partners.. and chose Kadir Andri over it. Two reasons for my decision... Kadir Andri is more reputable. Which will definitely enhance my resume in the future... and second reason... part of me felt that I got the offer from Khaw is because of Shih Han's sister who might have put in some good words for me already...
I want to secure an employment based on my capability and not through network..
People said I am stupid to leave without securing a job first..

Two things I did out of respect for you boss...:-
1) I did not approach other partners like what your previous associate did. Peers told me its time to jump to tax team. Should be ok if I approach Mr. Sara and asks him personally.
2) I did not secure a job before resigning

If I approach other partners.. It would have just reflected how badly I want to stay in Lee H but just not your team .. It would look bad on both of us. I didnt agree with what your previous associate did... approached behind your back.. I believe you taught us well to enable us to look for a job elsewhere.. :) As for securing a job.. whats the relevance? Wouldn't want lawyers to start calling you to ask about me and for you to find out I intend to leave from outsiders.. You should hear it firsthand from me myself. Being the stubborn daft me.. You would probably laughed at my thinking... Sorry..

Just yesterday I had another offer from The Chambers of Kamarul Hisham.. a high profile criminal litigation lawyer.. offering RM4.5K ... one K more than Kadir's offer.. I still havent get back to them... I don't know... which to choose.. It's not just about choosing which firm offers higher pay but which firm can offer a better and more secured future for me...

Just up until yesterday you had always been in my consideration..
Which path will help me to close the gap between us...
Like I said in the past... I think you're smart.. and capable...
As for me I have so much to catch up... being 4 years younger is not an excuse..
I want to take care of you... I was so afraid that I might made the wrong choice...
But today onwards.. I don't have to be worried about this...
Like how I posted in my FB... I can put up with a lot of things when it comes to you.... because I am sincere towards you.. but if you question about my trust.. I can't accept that.
I was on cloud nine when you told me you have a little trust in me right now... You were lying werent you? Your question yesterday night had just indicated you have never trusted me..

My friend offered to meet you to clarify on this but she has a point.. Is that what I want? Is that the real problem? She is right... So what if she comes forward and meet you... ? To prove she is still in Malaysia? To prove that you were wrong in doubting me? I have never once doubted you... After so many things I told you about her... so basically when I was telling you everything.. at the back of ur mind.. you were thinking I am lying? So then were you looking at me in the light of a clown putting an act in front of you? Friends lectured me for always cabut halfway during outing coz of you. I told them coz I really wana see you. I even told them you were very nice suggested I could burn the movie tixs and accompany my friends.. when you made that suggestion... Were you even sincere???

I don't even know whether there is a relationship between us for me to call it off... I was never playing around when it comes to you. But this time... you really broke my heart.. and all you said in our last conversation was.. ok.. is that all you have to say?  Karma is a B-I-T-C-H.. I need to spell it out... My fault...

Thanks for all the memories... :) I am not a hater no worries. I don't hate you. Trust is to be earned... I didn't manage to do so. If I have to hate someone that will pretty much be myself... I told you my past because they are my past... You judged me based on my past.. Its okey coz initially I thought I could prove otherwise as time goes by. No point in hiding my past coz I want to share everything with you. I was clearly wrong.  

Hope you will be able to find somone whom you can trust in the future.